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If I Had One Piece Of Advice For Today's Youth, It Would Be To Throw A Baseball Really, Really Well

As the young people of today head out on their own, they face many unique challenges. In this economy, nobody is guaranteed a good job or a competitive salary, and the struggle to find steady, rewarding work is harder than it's ever been. That's why, as a man in his early 30s who has enjoyed a very successful career, I have one piece of advice for America's youth, and that is to throw a baseball really, really well.

And also really, really fast.

In this rapidly changing society, young people must learn to adapt and react to whatever obstacles or complications may arise. I can't stress this enough: Be able to throw a baseball incredibly accurately and hard. Believe me.

Of course, it's not that simple, and if you want to enjoy a long, lucrative career that will sustain you through retirement, you'll need to diversify your skill set by not only throwing a baseball 90 to 95 miles per hour, but developing some off-speed pitches, too. Throwing a baseball that curves or sinks has impressed every employer I've ever had, and will serve you well, too, no matter where you wind up.

Luckily, my family always encouraged me growing up. I had a pretty typical upbringing: My dad worked for a food distribution company, my middle-school trainer was baseball legend Bus Campbell, and scouts from the majors started coming to see me throw baseballs when I was 14. So from an early age, I was instilled with the values of hard work, throwing a baseball, and throwing a baseball as well as possible.

Some say that the best way to get ahead is to go to college first, and it's true, college can be a great place to learn all about throwing a baseball really hard. Not a lot of people will tell you this, but the truth is, if you can throw the baseball well enough, most employers won't even care if you have a college degree. I didn't go to college, but I still make an eight-figure salary and live in a very large house. So whichever path life takes you down, just be able to throw a baseball really well and you'll do fine.

Also, I strongly recommend you be 6'6" and 230 pounds. It really, really helps, although it's not completely necessary. For instance, I know a young guy, Tim, who throws a baseball really well; he's only 5'11", but still has a good job out in San Francisco, a really beautiful city.

Tim's example shows that it doesn't matter who you are—if you stick to it, have the ability to throw a baseball well, and throw a baseball as hard as you possibly can into a catcher's mitt, you can go far in this world.

Once you are among the best in the world at throwing a baseball, my biggest piece of advice to the young people of America is this: Have some fun! Motivation in the workplace is key, and you don't want to go stale when you're catching baseballs and throwing them. After all, as an adult, you can expect to work about 30 times annually, so you've got to find ways to stay sharp, focused, and happy. Use your six-month break from work every year wisely, and take some time to recharge and be ready to do your best when work starts again in April.

And remember, if you and your family are ever in need of any extra income, I suggest you pursue outsized moneymaking opportunities and sign a large contract with a sporting-goods company to wear a specific shoe and glove while you throw a baseball. And later on, when you get older and start thinking about retirement, you can add to your savings by talking on television about throwing baseballs or by appearing in front of a large crowd of people at a convention center and signing baseballs. After all, it never hurts to save for a rainy day.

One last word of advice: For young people who have torn or ruptured rotator cuffs, I'm really sorry

Aw, Man...

You Stay Classy, Giants Fans...

An Open Letter To The MLB Merchandise Department:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Turns out the World Series Trophy kinda looks like a giant dong on those hats.



Also, kinda reminds me of this:



Sincerely,

TGG

Baseball 101: The Rule 5 Draft

The Rule 5 draft is a Major League Baseball player draft that occurs each year in December, at the annual Winter Meeting of general managers. The Rule 5 draft aims to prevent teams from stockpiling too many young players on their minor league affiliate teams when other teams would be willing to have them play in the majors. The Rule 5 Draft is named for its place in The Official Professional Baseball Rules Book. The June Rule 4 draft, known as simply "the draft," "amateur draft," or "first year player draft", is a distinctly different process in which teams select high school and college players.

As in the amateur draft, the selection order of the teams is based on each team's win-loss record from the prior regular season, each round starting with the team with the worst record and proceeding in order to the team with the best record. Any player selected under Rule 5 is immediately added to his new team's 40-man roster; thus, teams who do not have an available roster spot may not participate in the Rule 5 draft. Players who are not currently on their team's 40-man roster are eligible to be selected in the Rule 5 draft, but only after a standard exemption period has elapsed.

If chosen in the Rule 5 draft, a player must be kept on the selecting team's 25-man major league roster for the entire season after the draft—he may not be optioned or designated to the minors. The selecting team may, at any time, waive the Rule 5 draftee. If a Rule 5 draftee clears waivers by not signing with a new MLB team, he must be offered back to the original team, effectively canceling the Rule 5 draft choice. Once a Rule 5 draftee spends an entire season on his new team's 25-man roster, his status reverts to normal and he may be optioned or designated for assignment.

To prevent the abuse of the Rule 5 draft, the rule also states that the draftee must be active for at least 90 days. This keeps teams from drafting players, then placing them on the disabled list for the majority of the season. For example, if a Rule 5 draftee was only active for 67 days in his first season with his new club, he must be active for an additional 23 games in his second season to satisfy the Rule 5 requirements.

Any player chosen in the Rule 5 draft may be traded to any team while under the Rule 5 restrictions, but the restrictions transfer to the new team. If the new team does not want to keep the player on its 25-man roster for the season, he must be offered back to the team of which he was a member when chosen in the draft.

To prevent excessive turnover in the minor league levels, each draftee costs $50,000. If the draftee does not stay on the selecting team's 25-man (major league) roster all season, the player must be offered back to his original team at half-price. Organizations may also draft players from AA or lower to play for their AAA affiliates (for $12,000) and may draft players from A teams or lower to play for their AA affiliates (for $4,000).



The Rule 5 draft has opened opportunities for teams to take other teams' top prospects who may not be ready for the major leagues. A prominent recent example is Johan Santana, who was chosen in the 1999 Rule 5 draft by the Florida Marlins when the Houston Astros declined to put him on their 40-man roster. After the Marlins traded Santana to the Minnesota Twins for minor leaguer Jared Camp, the Twins kept him on their roster for the 2000 season, despite the pitcher's subpar performance that season (6.49 earned run average) which was unsurprising given his youth and inexperience.

Having kept Santana in the major leagues for all of the 2000 season, the Twins subsequently had the right to option him to their minor league system. By 2002, the more fully developed Santana had returned to the major leagues and established himself as an above-average pitcher. Since 2004, Santana has won two Cy Young awards. Had he not been chosen in the Rule 5 draft, Santana likely would not have made his major league debut until the 2001 or the 2002 season with the Astros.

Ridiculous Post World Series Brawl Is Ridiculous.

Sigh. This is why we can't have nice things, people.

Amaro To Moyer: "Get Off My Lawn."

The Phillies have declined to offer Jamie Moyer a new contract, so the 48 year old lefty will become a free agent by next week.

Moyer missed the last half of the 2010 season with an elbow injury. He finished 9-9 with a 4.84 ERA, 63 strikeouts and 20 walks. He has announced that he will be playing winter ball in the Dominican League.

"If I do it, it would just be for a few starts," Moyer said. "I just want to make sure I can do it. If I get through that, I would continue my rehab over the winter and try to go to [spring training] camp with a club."

I'll miss Moyer's work ethic, his finesse, and his 17mph circle changeup that even I had a chance at hitting. He's a class act, a philanthropist, and a local guy. I'll miss his traffic cop-like antics on the mound, screaming "TWO HANDS!!" for popups and such.

I'll really, REALLY miss the stirrups.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Are you a Nationals fan?

Do you collect Nationals memorabilia?

Is Ivan Rodriguez your favorite player EVER?

If you answered "YES!" to all three of these questions, you're most likely a crazed masochist. But man, do I have a gift for you.



That's right. For the low, low price of just $15.99, you could be the proud owner of Pudge Rodriguez's jock strap. Buy it, have a friend wear it, and stare at his ass. Congratulations! You're Jose Canseco.

(UPDATE: Someone bought the Pudge Packer about 2 hours ago. It's a relief to know I'm not the biggest baseball geek/starfucker out there.)

I Am Trying To Break Your Heart

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." -A. Bartlett Giamatti


"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -Rogers Hornsby

JCBFREE

According to Todd Zolecki, the Phillies have declined JC Romero's 2011 club option.

"He had some struggles this year and last year a little bit, health-wise and command-wise," Ruben Amaro Jr. said. "He's not someone that's not in the picture for us. This doesn't preclude us from having a further relationship with him, but at least at this time his $4.5 million salary isn't warranted at this stage of the game."

Hm. If only the Phils had a fat, undrafted lefty to take Romero's place on the 40 man.

Baseball 101: The Hot Stove League

The Hot Stove League is a baseball-related term, referring to the off-season. Therefore, it is not actually a "league", but the term instead calls up images of baseball fans, anxious for the start of the new season, gathering around a hot stove during the cold winter months discussing their favorite baseball teams. The term has also come to refer to the wave of off-season player transactions (trades, re-signings, free agency, etc.) that occur between seasons, especially during the winter meetings. Since most free agent signings and trades occur during the off-season, this time of significant player transactions (including rumors and speculation about possible trades), is often referred to as the "Hot Stove League" or sometimes more simply "Hot Stove". Essentially, teams continue competing, except it is the team owners and general managers who are doing the playing, with the score being in terms of human resource losses and gains.

10/25/86: A Little Roller Up Along First...

Phin De Siècle

When your entire lineup barely bats their weight. When your cleanup hitter strikes out 17 times in 9 games. When your 38 year old left fielder suddenly decides to Schmidt himself. When your soon-to-be-free-agent right fielder thinks RISP is a strategy-based board game. When your 2nd baseman comes back too soon from injury and develops an acute case of "manos de piedra". When the one guy you have consistently coming off the bench goes 0 for the playoffs. When your leadoff hitter, who missed half the season due to injury (and also came back too soon) can't run (or hit). When you won't stop throwing a guy who's ABSOLUTELY MURDERING YOU the one pitch he loves to hit. When your starting eight combine for a grand total of 4 homeruns. When you start forcing things. When the Baseball Gods turn their back on you.

You lose.

The Phillies 2010 season came to an abrupt, but not entirely unexpected end on Saturday. And clearly, we can blame it all on the pitching. Really, what team can expect to compete when their entire staff puts up a combined ERA of 2.42?

Congrats Phils, you made superstars out of an absolutely mediocre team by doing something I thought only the Eagles did in this town, you out-mediocred them. SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THEIR OUTFIELD. CODY ROSS WAS A MARLINS CASTOFF FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. YOU HEAR THAT?
HE. COULDN'T. MAKE. THE. MARLINS.

Winners (figuratively speaking):

Roy "Mother Fucking" Halladay...FOUR. INNINGS. WITH. A. PULLED. GROIN. Also vaporized Pat The Bat with mind bullets. Oh, also pitched a no-hitter, or something.
Cole "Faberge Egg" Hamels...I'm calling it: you can no longer hate on Cole. Ever. His prissyness is forever excused.
Ryan "Toe Jam" Madson...MADSON SMASH!!!!! ALSO PITCH WELL!!!
Jose "↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A" Contreras...Got all the outs he was required to get.
Brad "Yes, I'm Aware Of The Balk Rules" Lidge...Ditto, even with the walks.
Mike "I Deserve Better, But Here's A Hug Anyway" Sweeney...Uh, hello? Charlie? You were aware that this guy was still on our team, right? I mean, he only BATTED 1.000. Good thing Gload took all his at bats.

Losers:

Jimmy "No Really, I'm OK" Rollins...Lets just forget '10 ever happened for JRoll.
Shane "'Mahalo' Also Means 'Wrong First Step' in Hawaiian" Victorino...8 for 37 is good. For the Grapefruit League.
Raul "I'm Tarnishing My Image With Every At Bat" Ibanez...it's time for our boy to man up and admit he just can't play anymore.
Chase "I Secrete My Own Hair Gel" Utley..."What's bullshit?" Your errors. And your .212 batting average.
Joe "Heavy B" Blanton...turns out, batters LIKE high fastballs. And Chooch DOES NOT like breaking balls that bounce 3 feet in front of him.
Chad "Let Me Talk To You About A Unique Business Opportunity" Durbin...Meltdown city.
Jayson "What, Me, RBI?" Werth...MR ANTI CLUTCH. This postseason may have actually lowered his trade value.
Carlos "Panamania Is Runnin' Wild" Ruiz... Um, I really can't speak ill of Chooch. Seriously. He'll destroy me. So...yeah.
Ben "Last Night A Helmet Saved My Life" Francisco...I say "Ben Francisco" and you say "What about Ben Francisco?" and then I say "EXACTLY. What ABOUT Ben Francisco?"
Ross "There's A Reason I'm A Journeyman" Gload...The anti-Stairs. I guess that makes him the escalator, but the only thing he escalated was my risk of having a stroke while watching him.
Joe Buck and Tim McCarver...It occurs to me that Joe Buck really doesn't care for baseball. Or possibly just hates McCarver, and really, who can blame him. Anybody that hangs out with Lefty that long has got to be annoying.

Meh:

Ryan Howard
Placido Polanco
Domonic Brown
Roy Oswalt
Wilson Valdez
JC Romero
Antonio Bastardo
TBS



Played their last game as Phils:

Raul.
Heavy B.
Werth.
Sweeney. *sniff*
Moyer.
Gload.


Sigh. See you in February.