Amaro To Moyer: "Get Off My Lawn."

The Phillies have declined to offer Jamie Moyer a new contract, so the 48 year old lefty will become a free agent by next week.

Moyer missed the last half of the 2010 season with an elbow injury. He finished 9-9 with a 4.84 ERA, 63 strikeouts and 20 walks. He has announced that he will be playing winter ball in the Dominican League.

"If I do it, it would just be for a few starts," Moyer said. "I just want to make sure I can do it. If I get through that, I would continue my rehab over the winter and try to go to [spring training] camp with a club."

I'll miss Moyer's work ethic, his finesse, and his 17mph circle changeup that even I had a chance at hitting. He's a class act, a philanthropist, and a local guy. I'll miss his traffic cop-like antics on the mound, screaming "TWO HANDS!!" for popups and such.

I'll really, REALLY miss the stirrups.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Are you a Nationals fan?

Do you collect Nationals memorabilia?

Is Ivan Rodriguez your favorite player EVER?

If you answered "YES!" to all three of these questions, you're most likely a crazed masochist. But man, do I have a gift for you.



That's right. For the low, low price of just $15.99, you could be the proud owner of Pudge Rodriguez's jock strap. Buy it, have a friend wear it, and stare at his ass. Congratulations! You're Jose Canseco.

(UPDATE: Someone bought the Pudge Packer about 2 hours ago. It's a relief to know I'm not the biggest baseball geek/starfucker out there.)

I Am Trying To Break Your Heart

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." -A. Bartlett Giamatti


"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -Rogers Hornsby

JCBFREE

According to Todd Zolecki, the Phillies have declined JC Romero's 2011 club option.

"He had some struggles this year and last year a little bit, health-wise and command-wise," Ruben Amaro Jr. said. "He's not someone that's not in the picture for us. This doesn't preclude us from having a further relationship with him, but at least at this time his $4.5 million salary isn't warranted at this stage of the game."

Hm. If only the Phils had a fat, undrafted lefty to take Romero's place on the 40 man.

Baseball 101: The Hot Stove League

The Hot Stove League is a baseball-related term, referring to the off-season. Therefore, it is not actually a "league", but the term instead calls up images of baseball fans, anxious for the start of the new season, gathering around a hot stove during the cold winter months discussing their favorite baseball teams. The term has also come to refer to the wave of off-season player transactions (trades, re-signings, free agency, etc.) that occur between seasons, especially during the winter meetings. Since most free agent signings and trades occur during the off-season, this time of significant player transactions (including rumors and speculation about possible trades), is often referred to as the "Hot Stove League" or sometimes more simply "Hot Stove". Essentially, teams continue competing, except it is the team owners and general managers who are doing the playing, with the score being in terms of human resource losses and gains.

10/25/86: A Little Roller Up Along First...

Phin De Siècle

When your entire lineup barely bats their weight. When your cleanup hitter strikes out 17 times in 9 games. When your 38 year old left fielder suddenly decides to Schmidt himself. When your soon-to-be-free-agent right fielder thinks RISP is a strategy-based board game. When your 2nd baseman comes back too soon from injury and develops an acute case of "manos de piedra". When the one guy you have consistently coming off the bench goes 0 for the playoffs. When your leadoff hitter, who missed half the season due to injury (and also came back too soon) can't run (or hit). When you won't stop throwing a guy who's ABSOLUTELY MURDERING YOU the one pitch he loves to hit. When your starting eight combine for a grand total of 4 homeruns. When you start forcing things. When the Baseball Gods turn their back on you.

You lose.

The Phillies 2010 season came to an abrupt, but not entirely unexpected end on Saturday. And clearly, we can blame it all on the pitching. Really, what team can expect to compete when their entire staff puts up a combined ERA of 2.42?

Congrats Phils, you made superstars out of an absolutely mediocre team by doing something I thought only the Eagles did in this town, you out-mediocred them. SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THEIR OUTFIELD. CODY ROSS WAS A MARLINS CASTOFF FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. YOU HEAR THAT?
HE. COULDN'T. MAKE. THE. MARLINS.

Winners (figuratively speaking):

Roy "Mother Fucking" Halladay...FOUR. INNINGS. WITH. A. PULLED. GROIN. Also vaporized Pat The Bat with mind bullets. Oh, also pitched a no-hitter, or something.
Cole "Faberge Egg" Hamels...I'm calling it: you can no longer hate on Cole. Ever. His prissyness is forever excused.
Ryan "Toe Jam" Madson...MADSON SMASH!!!!! ALSO PITCH WELL!!!
Jose "↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A" Contreras...Got all the outs he was required to get.
Brad "Yes, I'm Aware Of The Balk Rules" Lidge...Ditto, even with the walks.
Mike "I Deserve Better, But Here's A Hug Anyway" Sweeney...Uh, hello? Charlie? You were aware that this guy was still on our team, right? I mean, he only BATTED 1.000. Good thing Gload took all his at bats.

Losers:

Jimmy "No Really, I'm OK" Rollins...Lets just forget '10 ever happened for JRoll.
Shane "'Mahalo' Also Means 'Wrong First Step' in Hawaiian" Victorino...8 for 37 is good. For the Grapefruit League.
Raul "I'm Tarnishing My Image With Every At Bat" Ibanez...it's time for our boy to man up and admit he just can't play anymore.
Chase "I Secrete My Own Hair Gel" Utley..."What's bullshit?" Your errors. And your .212 batting average.
Joe "Heavy B" Blanton...turns out, batters LIKE high fastballs. And Chooch DOES NOT like breaking balls that bounce 3 feet in front of him.
Chad "Let Me Talk To You About A Unique Business Opportunity" Durbin...Meltdown city.
Jayson "What, Me, RBI?" Werth...MR ANTI CLUTCH. This postseason may have actually lowered his trade value.
Carlos "Panamania Is Runnin' Wild" Ruiz... Um, I really can't speak ill of Chooch. Seriously. He'll destroy me. So...yeah.
Ben "Last Night A Helmet Saved My Life" Francisco...I say "Ben Francisco" and you say "What about Ben Francisco?" and then I say "EXACTLY. What ABOUT Ben Francisco?"
Ross "There's A Reason I'm A Journeyman" Gload...The anti-Stairs. I guess that makes him the escalator, but the only thing he escalated was my risk of having a stroke while watching him.
Joe Buck and Tim McCarver...It occurs to me that Joe Buck really doesn't care for baseball. Or possibly just hates McCarver, and really, who can blame him. Anybody that hangs out with Lefty that long has got to be annoying.

Meh:

Ryan Howard
Placido Polanco
Domonic Brown
Roy Oswalt
Wilson Valdez
JC Romero
Antonio Bastardo
TBS



Played their last game as Phils:

Raul.
Heavy B.
Werth.
Sweeney. *sniff*
Moyer.
Gload.


Sigh. See you in February.